TONI GARY (She/her)

Introducing the transformative power of therapy with your personal guide, me ;)

I utilize a combination of talk therapy and behavioral interventions to foster trust, connection, and exploration of your lived experience. This can be significantly useful for those experiencing anxiety, depression, relational conflicts, and career transition. Though change can be daunting, you can rest assured that I will support and guide you every step of the way. 

I work across the life-span and provide diverse forms of therapy: individual, couples, and family. Whatever the situation, I am here to celebrate your uniqueness, cultivate self-compassion, and bring light into your life and the lives of those around you.

Want to know more? Here’s my LinkedIn

Questions? toni@forrealtherapy.com

INTERVIEW BIO WITH Toni Gary

Have you always seen yourself as a healer? What aspects of your life informed your decision to become a therapist?

I did not always see myself as a healer, I found myself being nosey. I have been saying this since grad school when people would ask me what brought you to this field… I am nosey. I want to know everyone’s business at all times. Growing up, there was always something happening in my family and I always wanted to know why. Why was I forced to mature early? Why are you telling me this, I am only 8? I really needed to know the answer because I am nosey. And if the answer I am given sounds iffy, I am going to look into it myself. This led me to studying psychology and realize I liked knowing why humans do the things they do. I did not start thinking about myself as a healer until I found myself in clinical practice. Before, it was research and discovering the whys of it all. That led to the whats. What can be done? I know people do these things, but how can I help them to do better? 

What do you believe is missing from therapy?

I believe there is something truly special about in-person therapy sessions that cannot be fully replicated in a virtual setting. While online sessions have their advantages, the unique connection fostered through face-to-face interactions is irreplaceable. Being physically present in the therapy space, as opposed to finding a quiet corner in a shared living environment, facilitates greater authenticity and a deeper connection between therapist and client. Online therapy's lack of physical presence can make it challenging to convey authenticity and genuine care, especially since therapists are often not trained to bring their full selves into such sessions.

What has it been like navigating issues of race and culture within your professional field?

My introduction to the field of psychology was primarily through the lens of white men like Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. These individuals didn't look like me nor did they endeavor to create this profession with me in mind. With that knowledge, I have to maintain a sense of learning things academically while having the willingness to unlearn. For example, this year, I learned for the first time that these theories and interventions we learned about in school received their practices from African and Indigenous communities. This realization made a lot of sense to me. 

Once, during a lecture, someone stated that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs was "informed" by the Blackfoot nation. *insert eye roll* This experience made me long to be around more BIPOC communities. Craving truth and authenticity meant I had to intentionally find spaces where I could be myself as a therapist. I craved to be somewhere where people saw me as Toni alongside supporting the progress of any identities I hold.

Even in a career field where we are supposed to be open, empathetic, and honest, there are still a lot of issues when it comes to race in the mental health field. I remember a time when a practice owner in a prior position stated they didn't understand why there needed to be a BIPOC individual on the leadership team, in a staff meeting, in front of many BIPOC clinicians. I was appalled. How could they not see the need for diversity and representation? Can't we finally be recognized as leaders in this field?

How do you integrate parts of yourself (creativity, pop culture, experiences) into the therapeutic process? 

First, I focus on how clients express themselves. If a client wears a graphic tee, I ask about it as a talking point. If it's something I'm familiar with, I'll weigh in, or I'll learn something new. I once had a client wearing an anime shirt, and I was excited to find a shared interest. I used to hold back my excitement about shared interests, but now I'm more vocal. If a client mentions a movie I'm also interested in, I encourage them to share their thoughts on it. Expressing myself through clothes, hair, and makeup is important to me, and I share this during intake. My look is not corporate, and I find that it makes the therapist-client dynamic more comfortable and relatable. I’ll probably bring my collection of Funko Pop figures to my office as a conversation starter.

Why is it important to talk about diversity, culture, and race in therapy? How is it beneficial? 

The word "diversity" is ubiquitous and affects all aspects of our lives. While it's often used to discuss issues affecting specific groups, such as Black people or the LGBTQ+ community, the truth is that these issues affect everyone. Understanding and valuing different cultures doesn't require us to be a part of them; therapy can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to work through these feelings and traumas, and help us learn about cultures we're unfamiliar with. Whether it's navigating workplace interactions or relationships, cultural awareness and sensitivity is essential to personal growth and success.

What is something unique about you that enhances the therapeutic process/experience?

I am unable to put on a facade in therapy sessions. As a Pisces sun with a Scorpio moon, my emotions are always evident, and I am unable to hide my feelings. I find it impossible to "fake it till you make it," as authenticity is essential to me. In every session, I bring my life experiences and am never what people expect.

What is your universal piece of advice?

It costs nothing to be a good person. Listen to people and commit to understanding them, rather than misunderstanding them to gain an advantage. It's not difficult to be a good person. Just be yourself and show empathy towards others. Remember, it takes more muscles to frown than to laugh - so choose kindness and positivity.